Life happens and you find yourself in a state that you never saw coming, a situation you ordinarily never prepare for, but it happens and once it does you are forced to make changes, radical and drastic changes to adapt to the NEW. To some it’s losing a job, to others finding out you have a medical condition that could be terminal, to others is losing your property .. to me, it was losing a spouse. Nothing can ever prepare someone for such …
So I lost my spouse a year ago and the past one year has been full of lessons, mistakes, adventures and discoveries .. Let’s examine a few lessons from being a single dad..
- You can never be mum and dad
So you will have people telling you to fit into the shoes of being mum and dad now that mum is no longer there… I was told that and I made all the efforts to be… sooner or later you realize that you just can’t .. none of us was built to be mum and dad .. You can either be mum or be dad. Now, it’s very frustrating to try being both, I equate it to changing your gender.. You just cant, its impossible ….. well on as second thought,maybe not totally impossible .. thanks to Bruce Jenner now Caitlyn .. I can’t stand that idiot!
Back to my point, stop trying to be mum and dad, you will frustrate yourself and your children do not need you frustrated.. there is only one thing you can be.. The best dad ever and for the moms, be the best mom ever .. That way you will be more fulfilled and at the same time you will be there for your children in a way that will help them heal sooner.
- Your family comes first
As a man it’s very easy to prioritize work over other aspects of your life and i believe this has something to do with how we are wired as men. From the creation story, we see the first instruction God ever gave to man was ‘Be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth’ .. he was given a job before he was given a family. So it’s in our nature to pay more attention to our work and let the wife nurture the home. Now that there is no wife .. you may need to make some very deliberate changes …
You do not need to apologize for being there always being at home when the boys are hanging out at the bar, in the garage or wherever they read newspapers from … just go and read that newspaper from home. Try dropping the kids to school oftenly if not daily, get home early before they sleep, do homework together, play together and do all the silly things kids do with their parents. This I am still learning … it’s easier for me to stay late in the office and keep working than rush home to watch cartoon with Josh and Zoe, as I keep trying, I’m starting to realize that cartoons are actually fun to watch.
The first institution God formed even before the church was the family .. It comes first.
- Do not delegate parenthood
Now, you will get help, a lot of help. There will always be people who will offer assisting you in raising the kids.. your parents, relatives, your parents in-law, friends, girls eyeing you…. Don’t do it. I understand people have different situations, I’m not sure if all these situation are real or it’s an excuse some take .. I will not try to decide on that. Nevertheless, the truth remains, no one can raise children better than you .. No one knows them better, no one cares for them better and none of them love them more .
You do not want your kids to blame you later for taking a short cut.
- Date if you have to
I know you were waiting for this .. yeah, date if you have to. I know you have been told.. wait till you are fully healed, wait till you are ready, you will know when you are, allow the memory of you late wife to fade .. blah blah blah. As much as some of these things make sense, some of them are just a bunch of rubbish..You are a grown man, I’m sure you know what’s good for you and your kids .. do whatever it is you think is good for you.
Forget all the views society, family, church and people have and put your own interest first. The only people you need to consider are your children and only your children. Half the people advising you have never been through what you went through and have zero clue
Sooner or later, you will get girls throwing themselves at you, being nice to you and your kids .. just know that most of them are not genuine. Pray about it, consult and make your decision.
Thanks for reading God bless and talk to you soon.