4 Lessons from a Single Dad..

Life happens and you find yourself in a state that you never saw coming, a situation you ordinarily never prepare for, but it happens and once it does you are forced to make changes, radical and drastic changes to adapt to the NEW.  To some it’s losing a job, to others finding out you have a medical condition that could be terminal, to others is losing your property .. to me, it was losing a spouse. Nothing can ever prepare someone for such …

So I lost my spouse a year ago and the past one year has been full of lessons, mistakes, adventures and discoveries .. Let’s examine a few lessons from being a single dad..

  1. You can never be mum and dad

So you will have people telling you to fit into the shoes of being mum and dad now that mum is no longer there… I was told that and I made all the efforts to be… sooner or later you realize that you just can’t .. none of us was built to be mum and dad .. You can either be mum or be dad. Now, it’s very frustrating to try being both, I equate it to changing your gender.. You just cant, its impossible ….. well on as second thought,maybe not totally impossible .. thanks to Bruce Jenner now Caitlyn .. I can’t stand that idiot!

Back to my point, stop trying to be mum and dad, you will frustrate yourself and your children do not need you frustrated.. there is only one thing you can be.. The best dad ever and for the moms, be the best mom ever .. That way you will be more fulfilled and at the same time you will be there for your children in a way that will help them heal sooner.

  1. Your family comes first

As a man it’s very easy to prioritize work over other aspects of your life and i believe this has something to do with how we are wired as men. From the creation story, we see the first instruction God ever gave to man was ‘Be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth’ .. he was given a job before he was given a family. So it’s in our nature to pay more attention to our work and let the wife nurture the home. Now that there is no wife .. you may need to make some very deliberate changes …

You do not need to apologize for being there always being at home when the boys are hanging out at the bar, in the garage or wherever they read newspapers from … just go and read that newspaper from home. Try dropping the kids to school oftenly if not daily, get home early before they sleep, do homework together, play together and do all the silly things kids do with their parents. This I am still learning … it’s easier for me to stay late in the office and keep working than rush home to watch cartoon with Josh and Zoe, as I keep trying, I’m starting to realize that cartoons are actually fun to watch.

The first institution God formed even before the church was the family .. It comes first.

  1. Do not delegate parenthood

Now, you will get help, a lot of help. There will always be people who will offer assisting you in raising the kids.. your parents, relatives, your parents in-law, friends, girls eyeing you…. Don’t do it. I understand people have different situations, I’m not sure if all these situation are real or it’s an excuse some take .. I will not try to decide on that. Nevertheless, the truth remains, no one can raise children better than you .. No one knows them better, no one cares for them better and none of them love them more .

You do not want your kids to blame you later for taking a short cut.

 

  1. Date if you have to

I know you were waiting for this .. yeah, date if you have to. I know you have been told.. wait till you are fully healed, wait till you are ready, you will know when you are, allow the memory of you late wife to fade .. blah blah blah. As much as some of these things make sense, some of them are just a bunch of rubbish..You are a grown man, I’m sure you know what’s good for you and your kids .. do whatever it is you think is good for you.

Forget all the views society, family, church and people have and put your own interest first. The only people you need to consider are your children and only your children. Half the people advising you have never been through what you went through and have zero clue

Sooner or later, you will get girls throwing themselves at you, being nice to you and your kids .. just know that most of them are not genuine. Pray about it, consult and make your decision.

Thanks for reading God bless and talk to you soon.

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25 thoughts on “4 Lessons from a Single Dad..

  1. Well put.I can barely relate to it though,not in the first person;but I have a friend that struggles to be both mom and dad.I will just ‘cleverly’ suggest this post to them.

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    1. Hello Pastor,
      My mum died when I was four, our youngest bro was two, my elder siblings were 15, 10 and 7 respectively.
      Dad took his time, almost 7yrs and he remarried a wonderful woman who took over and brought us up in the fear of the Lord.
      All I can tell you is that I wish you well, you are allowed to move on, you and your babies need it, but one piece of advice even after you do, never allow anyone or any situation to compromise the happiness and comfort of your children.
      Be man enough to know the delicate balance of peace you will have to put between your new spouse and your babies. God bless you and may He continue to give you wisdom, councel, might, courage and goodness all round.
      Elsa

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  2. Awesome read and advice. Having once tried to be both mum and dad, I concour. Never do things for people or according to what people say and think. As Sam Onsongo keeps saying,”Just be you for you. Don’t be you for people.”
    Great piece Silas!

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  3. As I read this article,am at Mukuyu attending my best friend’s wife funeral who was brutally murdered together with her unborn child and left outside her maternal uncles home.Very painful.I think I know this writer way back in kampala.Very educative.Thanks Favour

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  4. Bro you are the only one who knows where the shoe hurts most, you are a hero in your own making, I feared for you at first being a pastor and a young father, bt the day we met at makerere group get together my fears were gone. You take little steps of a toddler each day and now you have walked along way.
    My point of you being a pastor is the church will always be good and full of advices but sometimes not practical, we as friends we may have feared to ask you some of those bold questions you have answered. I may write without end………..

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  5. Nice read and very practical.God has indeed
    been faithful to you.Your faith n strength that trying period really challenged me.May God continue guiding you.Bless you .

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  6. I am in full agreement goodsir! No one can fit 2 roles nor should they have to. Do what you were born/meant to do and the other bit will work itself out. Not in the “delegate it to other parties because they know better” kinda way but in the “it needs to be done and so I will find a way to do it even if it’s different from my late love’s” type of way.

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  7. Wow,this piece is awesome great piece it is,papa you are a true hero and it can be seen from you,more grace n wisdom,you are an author can’t wait for your book

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